Chapter 2: Battling for My Identity After I Was Labelled ‘Bipolar.’
In my last post, I shared how my world shifted when I received my Bipolar Disorder diagnosis. What I didn’t mention was how I wrestled with the implications of this diagnosis. It was more than just a label—it became a battle for my identity.
‘Is my career over?’
After the initial shock wore off, a cloud of confusion enveloped me. I had a million questions swirling in my mind: “How do I navigate this? Will I ever be able to fulfill my professional dreams? What if I lose the respect of my colleagues?” Each day felt heavier than the last, the burden of uncertainty growing.
I vividly recall sitting in my office, staring blankly at my computer screen, while a million thoughts raced through my mind. It was as if I were at a crossroads, the weight of my diagnosis pulling me in one direction while my ambition fought to keep me grounded in the other. I was caught in an internal struggle, battling the desire to pursue my career while also needing to confront the reality of my mental health.
My fear of getting labelled as ‘unstable’
For a while, I tried to mask my pain. I continued to show up, flashing a smile as if everything was normal. I engaged in conversations about work projects, meeting deadlines, and achieving targets. But inside, I felt like a marionette, with strings being pulled by the very anxiety and fear I was trying to suppress.
I avoided discussions about my mental health. I feared being labeled as “unstable” or “unreliable.” I thought that by keeping my struggles a secret, I could maintain control over my life and career. But this façade was exhausting, and the more I clung to it, the more isolated I became.
Becoming human and vulnerable
Eventually, I realized that this isolation was my greatest obstacle. I needed to find a way to bridge the gap between my professional life and my mental health. The idea of seeking help terrified me; I was accustomed to being the strong one, the one who could handle anything life threw my way. But deep down, I knew that I couldn’t fight this battle alone.
As I pondered this, I began to explore the power of vulnerability. It wasn’t something I had considered before. In a world that often glorifies strength and invincibility, the thought of admitting my struggles felt like admitting defeat. Yet, I also understood that there was strength in being honest about my journey.
Healing myself and helping others do the same
This realization ignited a flicker of hope within me. If I could embrace my vulnerability, perhaps I could not only heal but also inspire others to do the same.
Read Chapter 3, where I delve deeper into my search for support and how I learned to navigate the complexities of my diagnosis with the help of those around me.
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SHAK TODAY
Shak is pursuing his Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology (MACP) and will start his practicum in January. He's involved with the Canadian Mental Health Association and he's working on turning his blog, Bipolar Empath, into a book while managing his accounting business.
Stay tuned for more updates on Shak’s journey and the impact he continues to make in the mental health community!
