Shak’s Bipolar Diagnosis Story
Shak joined PwC Toronto in 2005 straight out of graduating from Wilfrid Laurier with a Bachelor of Business Administration degree, and he became a Chartered Professional Accountant shortly after. Shak was an adrenaline junkie, a high-achiever with the dream of one day becoming a partner at PwC, and so he spent the next 12 years of his life working towards his goal.
When Shak was four years old, he and his mother left Kuwait to come to Canada as refugees. Shak's mother was a hard-working and values-driven single mother. She raised him to have a strong sense of work ethic and consistently achieve and strive for excellence and big goals in his life. Growing up, seeing his mother lead as a true example of sacrifice and resilience shaped how Shak navigated his academic formation and focused career journey at PwC.
In 2016, Shak's life was heading towards success. He was in a committed relationship. His career path was so straightforward that he was weeks away from having his partnership case interview. However, his journey took a dramatic turn after he experienced his first manic episode at a PwC leadership conference that was taking place in France. Shak had to be rushed back to Toronto, where he was admitted into the emergency room at the hospital. Shak was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder soon after.
The impacts of facing his mental illness were detrimental to his health and his career. As a result, Shak spent the next three months on his first short-term disability leave. Shak thought he would resume life as he once knew it. He soon realized that three months was not enough time to accept and navigate his Bipolar Disorder diagnosis.
But Shak was afraid to take more than three months off from work, so instead, he gave himself pep talks, thinking of reasons for going back to his role at PwC. Also, the employee assistance provider in charge of his leave of absence continuously encouraged him to return to work regardless of his instability and mental health exhaustion. Shak also did not get any clear direction from his medical team as to whether a full return to work was the best course of action for him.
Shak's premature return hurt not only his career but also his recovery process. Being back to work so soon while still navigating his mental illness diagnosis was scary. It made the whole process even more challenging without allowing him to heal from his pain, adapt to his challenges, and fully accept his diagnosis.
When Shak returned to work, he was afraid that people would perceive his fragile state as a weakness. It didn't take long for him to go from being a very confident professional accountant pursuing a high-flying career to feeling hopeless, isolated, and broken. His motivation was crumbling; he was in physical and emotional pain, feeling insecure and on the verge of breaking down most of the time.
But Shak's sudden insecurity was not a weakness; it was, in fact, a symptom that matched the amount of uncertainty and anxiety he was now facing.
Shak struggled to find the kind of empathy and support that would have helped him cope with his mental illness and career demands. He knew that his productivity would be the critical factor that determined his worth as an employee. He felt tormented, hopeless, and desperate. And as if he was not going through enough challenges in his life, Shak had a small window of opportunity to deliver and meet old expectations.
Shak struggled for months; he couldn't motivate himself to get back to his old productivity levels. He started questioning whether he was still good enough to be employed by PwC.
Sure enough, and as he had feared, Shak witnessed his high-flying career lose momentum. He could tell that his partnership case had lost support, and he became an unreachable mess. People would walk on eggshells around him, not necessarily because they didn't care but because they didn't understand what he was going through. The diagnosis and challenges were a new reality not only to Shak but for the entire team, including his mentors.
In the past, Shak was always quick to judge others who struggled to find the motivation to deliver good work. This time though, he was really the only one who could feel and see the pain. He started feeling empathy for himself – but how does an emotionally unavailable person do this? Shak had to redefine his preconceived definitions of motivation, productivity and success. His diagnosis not only labelled him Bipolar, but it also taught him the meaning of empathy, and so he became a Bipolar Empath.
Many things were changing for Shak. He was now paying close attention to what he needed to change in his life to be at his best. There was a lot of uncertainty in Shak's life. He was still adapting to feeling uncomfortable with what the future may hold. But one thing was evident in his heart; he wanted more, and his new goal looked much more different than what he had been pursuing. It was almost as if Shak had redefined his purpose in life, which aligned much more around the principle of helping others than it had ever been before.
As he recovered, Shak experienced a period of denial where he searched for alternative answers and causes for his issues. Shak wasn't alone in his denial; even his family and close friends believed that whatever was happening with him had to be with the excessive partying lifestyle. Shak was a work-hard and play-hard kind of guy. His family knew that he abused recreational drugs, so they believed that removing this behaviour would fix whatever was happening to him.
Shak wasn't fully accepting of his diagnosis. Receiving this conflictive support and information encouraged him to stop listening to his doctors. It didn't take long for him to start tinkering with his medication; Shak was having a hard time admitting to himself that he was too happy. The euphoria experienced during manic episodes made Shak feel alive and happy. The medication to treat bipolar disorder suppresses your body's ability to get to that manic state, and Shak craved that feeling.
Shak got his wake-up call in November of 2017 when he had a second manic episode at work that was so extreme that it ended up in him stripping down naked in the lobby of PwC and punching someone in the face; it almost cost him his job and livelihood.
The employee assistance provider was still pretty aggressive this second time around, so at this point, Shak was fighting for his life. He had started seeking meaning and becoming more mindful of his thoughts and actions, paying close attention to what he needed to be at his best in life.
This new approach to living life came with a great deal of uncertainty as he was afraid of what the next chapter of his story would look like. His employer had put him on probation due to the severity of his incident and made it clear that he had to properly follow his medical treatment, including taking his medications as prescribed. Shak struggled with what the best plan to return to work could be, but he ended up returning to work after just three months. Coincidence or not, this short recovery period is the reality of many employees who struggle with mental health in the workplace.
Upon returning to work, he had a new vision for his partnership case – remember Shak's goal in life? – He had redefined his proposal, now focusing not only on client revenue but also on mental health advocacy and people development within the firm. Shak's passion was in coaching and developing junior team members working on the firm's files. Even when he enjoyed client service, it wasn't what got him out of bed anymore. Did this new vision mean that Shak's values had changed? No, it just meant that he had started living life according to them.
As he honoured his values, Shak's new calling was getting louder and harder to ignore. He knew that his story would support mental health initiatives within the firm and serve and help others with similar struggles and experiences.
Unfortunately, the new partnership case that Shak was building was not strong enough for PwC. As devastating as the idea of losing everything was, Shak knew that just being an accountant wasn't going to fulfill his sense of greater purpose. Similarly, he knew that it wasn’t going to be enough for him to stay a non-partner for the rest of his days.
From a review perspective, Shak wasn't an exceptional performer anymore in the eyes of his employer; he had been matched with a new set of abilities and a lesser worth. But Shak firmly expressed his beliefs and defended the value of his partnership case, but this was a different kind of value, one that wasn't easily measured in monetary ways.
Shockingly, Shak's mental illness struggles and pressured recovery process quickly rewrote the 15 years of hard work and achievements he had collected at PwC throughout his career. As a result, Shak's journey at PwC came to an end; he was restructured out of the company in July 2020.
You are probably thinking, what now? And Shak thought of the same! Even though he had been thinking about what he wanted to do next, it still was a painful kick in the butt. However, the change was imminent, and Shak would soon embark on a journey to embrace his authentic self. He would accept his Bipolar Disorder diagnosis and become a voice for those not ready to share their mental illness and mental health struggles.
After leaving PwC, Shak focused on building his successful accounting business. While he enjoys the work he does in his consulting role, he was interested in participating in activities around mental health advocacy.
Shak’s experiences directly impacted the way he sees the corporate world dynamics these days. He believes that advocating for a caring and inclusive environment for employees in the workplace is worth his attention and dedication.
His lived experience of struggling to recover from a bipolar diagnosis in the midst of achieving his most significant professional milestone allowed him to learn a lot about mental challenges in the workplace. He knew in his heart that sharing his story could bring hope to those who are not ready to speak of their own mental health challenges in their careers and in their lives.
Shak’s openness to share details about his story, along with his unapologetic approach to embracing his mental illness, opened the door for new opportunities to collaborate with charities, associations and to participate in mental health discussion panels.
These activities allowed him to fulfill his passion; he was one step closer to influencing the dialogue and helping others navigate their challenges. Shak was now actively participating in the mission to break down the stigma surrounding mental health and inspire people to live their authentic selves and embrace their struggles.
Shak’s a firm believer that mental health is the foundation for overall health and can help spark positive impacts on most areas of a person’s life. He also believes that mental health is the foundation of overall organizational health. Even though it pleases him to see the progress that organizations have made over the past several years, he knows that there is still much work to be done.
There are some significant roadblocks in the journey of recovering from mental health in the workplace, and a lot is at stake. Discrimination against those facing struggles with mental health exists, and some people and employers do not feel mental health is essential. There is a lot of pressure on human resources to operate at a productivity level that’s too intense for a normal human being.
The lack of awareness and empathy in the workplace adds unnecessary pressure to an already demanding and exhausting situation. The price an employee has to pay when choosing between their mental health and their jobs is way too high; we are talking about dreams, careers, and family futures.
Shak clearly remembers that his biggest suffering at the time of diagnosis was not his disorder but the struggle and insecurity he had to face in meeting old expectations. Today he believes more than ever that empathy from family, friends, employers and peers will most definitely impact the outcome of a person who is suffering from mental health in life and the workplace.
Everything Shak had once dreamed of and thought would determine his success in life was no longer his reality. Still, Shak was going to soon respond to his higher purpose call. The experiences and struggles he had faced through his mental illness diagnosis would transform him.
Shak's story of empathy, trust, and authenticity made him a better person with a new purpose in life. He already had proved that he was not afraid to share his story. He wanted to become a mental health advocate and use his voice to support others as they struggle in their day-to-day and work environments.
Today Shak's story contributes to a future where mental illnesses don't define a person's worth or abilities in life and the workplace. He is preaching and cultivating empathy. His mission is to transform how society and companies react to those challenged by a mental illness in their careers.
Today, Shak is a Bipolar Empath and mental health advocate who battles daily with his illness; sometimes he wins, sometimes he loses. In the process, he is shaking things up regarding mental health in the workplace and challenging the status quo to evoke change.
Shak’s work inspires any human being who suffers from mental illness or knows loved ones who suffer to look their struggles in the eye. He wants you to know that no matter how scary or difficult it can be, you should never let mental health challenges define who you are.
