The Highs and Lows of My Corporate Journey: Finding Success and Confidence
After university, I was fortunate to land my dream job as an associate at one of the leading professional services firms. From the moment I took my first accounting course in high school, I knew I wanted to be an accountant. In fact, I boldly told my guidance counselor during my final year that I aspired to work for the very company that eventually hired me. I had little idea about the company's inner workings at the time, but everything I learned painted it as a desirable place to work.
Securing a position at this prestigious firm was a remarkable achievement for a first job. The company attracted a wealth of talented applicants, and only a small percentage actually earned a position. As our cohort of new associates began, I immediately felt the sense of competition around me.
From day one, I experienced career success. It seemed I had earned the respect of both my peers and supervisors. I was assigned high-profile projects and received glowing feedback on my work. The feeling of being sought after for specific tasks validated my belief that I belonged and had a promising future within the company.
The culture at PwC—and likely at many other accounting firms—was rooted in an unwritten rule: work hard, play hard. This meant that while we were expected to put in long hours, our workplace also fostered a vibrant social scene among a younger population. I enjoyed attending company-sponsored events featuring open bars, which allowed me to indulge without dipping into my modest budget. Growing up with a single working mother, this experience felt like living an affluent lifestyle, despite my middle-class salary. The rewards of socializing made the long hours more bearable as I climbed the corporate ladder.
Working 12-15 hour days was not uncommon, especially during busy project periods or audits. In those days—before remote work became a norm—most of my time was spent in the office or at client sites, often eating dinner at my desk. Yet, the harder I worked, the more challenging projects I received, which put me in the spotlight with senior leadership early in my career. I thrived on meeting seemingly unrealistic targets and reveled in the validation from my supervisors and peers.
As I ascended the corporate ladder, I enjoyed promotions that accelerated my income level. Within four years, I had doubled my salary, and within another four, I nearly doubled it again. Each promotion and salary increase boosted my self-worth, allowing me to lift both my mother and myself up the socioeconomic ladder. I remember the joy on my mother’s face as I shared the news of my promotions, and that joy fueled my determination to endure the long hours.
With my rising self-worth came increased confidence, which occasionally crossed into arrogance. I felt respected at the company, and this newfound confidence made me more assertive during promotion and salary discussions. Many worked hard at the firm, but I knew I was doing things others weren’t, such as significant travel for work. I justified my assertiveness by believing I was entitled to my share of the rewards, even if it sometimes came off as arrogance.
Throughout my childhood and university years, I had been timid in my interactions with women. However, as my confidence grew at PwC, so did my boldness in these interactions. I could only imagine how this newfound assertiveness appeared to them, but it marked the beginning of my struggle with commitment. As I grew more self-assured, my desire to settle down with one woman diminished.
As my responsibilities at work increased, so did my stress. I noticed myself becoming short-tempered, snapping at my teams occasionally. Surprisingly, because I continued to deliver exceptional results for clients and make my supervisors shine, I faced little reprimand for this behavior.
A significant motivator behind my long hours was my aspiration to be admitted to the partnership at the firm. Achieving this dream would mean becoming a part-owner of the business, and as the years passed, I felt I was getting closer to that goal. This ambition enabled me to ignore the stress signals my body and mind were sending.
One prominent sign of my stress was the constant fatigue I felt. Each morning, I struggled to get out of bed, pushing myself to leave by 7:30 AM for my hour-long commute. Like many jobs, there was an expectation to be at work during regular hours and often beyond, aiming to be in the office by 9 AM. Although some flexibility emerged over the years, arriving late still seemed to attract scrutiny.
Maintaining a healthy work-life balance was a struggle from the beginning. My commitment to career success led me to prioritize work over personal relationships. While my family and friends were supportive, understanding my ambition, I noticed the strain on my romantic relationships. Arguments about my work schedule became common, and my coping mechanism often involved avoiding serious relationships, as they distracted me from my career aspirations.
I had been introduced to alcohol and some recreational drug use during university but steered clear of hard narcotics. This changed as I advanced in my career. With an increased income came the allure of the party lifestyle. I vividly remember a bachelor party in Las Vegas when I was first introduced to cocaine. Initially hesitant, I eventually succumbed to peer pressure, and I must admit, I loved it—not just for the high, but for the social connections it fostered, especially with women. However, I was unaware of the psychological and physical impacts this substance would have on me. It masked my stress, allowing me to continue the "work hard, play hard" lifestyle, even as I aged.
Crystal Ball Reflection
One of the most crucial realizations I've had is the importance of valuing the relationships that matter. Looking back at my corporate career, I recognize that I took many important relationships for granted. I’ve paid the price in my romantic life but feel fortunate that my family and friends have stood by me through thick and thin. I aim to focus my energy on deepening those connections. A powerful analogy I encountered about relationships is to consider who you would want at your funeral and the words you’d want spoken about you; live your life in a way that cherishes and strengthens those bonds.
Don't be fooled by the fleeting nature of friendships during successful times. When life crumbles, the truth reveals itself, and you see who your real friends are. Cherish authentic relationships that hold meaning.
Remember, you are replaceable at work. In future sections, I will discuss my eventual restructuring out of the company after 15 years, a lesson in the harsh reality of being an employee. Early in my career, I convinced myself I was a high-value employee. While some of that was true, the reality is that your value to a company is only as good as your willingness to work towards their objectives. Unless you are a business owner, you are at the mercy of those who dictate your career progression and job security. Treat your job as just that: a job, and prioritize what truly matters to you.
Learn to set your boundaries. If an employer or anyone in your life sets unrealistic expectations, be courageous enough to say no. Mastering the art of saying no is a vital skill that many take for granted. Whether you are accustomed to setting boundaries or just beginning to learn, it can be challenging. However, this skill can help manage stress and foster self-care.
The “work hard, play hard” mantra can be dangerous. For those of us who fear missing out, this attitude can lead to toxic behaviors. As I grow older, I realize that rest is essential for my health. My mother often emphasized this, yet I lost my way after university, sacrificing rest for the allure of hard work and nightlife. If I could turn back time, I would establish a better routine around consistent rest.
Seek professional medical advice when your mind and body signal distress. I was someone who avoided doctors at all costs, influenced by my mother’s aversion to medical visits unless absolutely necessary. In hindsight, regular check-ins with a family doctor can be invaluable, allowing them to identify potential red flags that need addressing.
No level of success is worthwhile if it compromises your well-being. The highs from my career achievements paled in comparison to the damage I was inflicting on my mental health. At the time, I was oblivious to the signs that something was wrong. If I had been more attentive, I might have identified the changes I needed much earlier. Just as regular medical check-ups are essential, recognizing signs of declining mental health is crucial for early intervention.
Finally, be willing to have uncomfortable conversations with your employer. I understand that the fear of jeopardizing your job can make these discussions daunting. However, I believe that psychological safety in the workplace starts with the individual. While employers have an obligation to foster a safe environment, it is equally important for each of us to voice our concerns about workload and working conditions. Change begins with us. Engaging in these tough conversations can improve not only your situation but also the working conditions for others.
Haven’t subscribed yet?
Join the Bipolar Empath Community!
SHAK TODAY
Shak is pursuing his Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology (MACP) and will start his practicum in January. He's involved with the Canadian Mental Health Association and he's working on turning his blog, Bipolar Empath, into a book while managing his accounting business.
Stay tuned for more updates on Shak’s journey and the impact he continues to make in the mental health community!
